Pappu pass ho gaya

Got my semester results today. Passed with relatively unenthusiastic colors, penguinish one might say, no where near flying. Now there can be no logical reason why results should ever be compared to colors and even if there had been one there would further be no perceptible explanation as to why these colors should be flying. Had I been consulted I would have suggested bright or sexy colors. Had there been a further constraint that the colors should appear to be doing something then wildly jumping or madly dancing would better express a good result or may be hobnobbing would be my second choice. Mainly because it is fun to say hobnobbing again and again. (Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing.) And we would be putting such a good word to some decent use. Gandhi used to say be the change you want to see in the world. I passed with not very hobnobbing colors. (Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing.)

Oh and another thing got sidetracked in our deep philosophical discussion of the proper adjective for colors. I passed :D Hurrah!! (Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing.)

vhat's the zoke yaar?

Why is chess >> bridge?





Ha Ha Ha Ha





Ha Ha Ha Ha





Ha Ha Ha Ha





Ha Ha Ha Ha


Because you can play chess on a bridge but you cannot play bridge on a chess.

Stream of Life

Courtsey: Divyanshu


The more I write the more I spoil the video.

To summarize, this video is for those still stuck at the age of six, who like the boulevards and the cobblestone paths and old and new buildings, who like the smell of the sea and the smell of the desert, who like watching umbrellas in the rain, who still smile at a flying plane, who dance badly, who like dancing badly, who want to see the Whooole World one day, ...

And thanks Matt.

Winter's here

The sun never came out today. It drizzled and it was cold, the nice kind of cold, the way they have on hill stations.

It is a very sleepy weather tonight and I am right now with a thick blanket on my shoulders. Everyone went to bed early so I had to go to canteen alone :( Just collected a kurkure packet and headed back, sitting alone waiting for food in the canteen is very boring.

I was actually in a sober mood when I started writing this post, but then a non sleeping friend pinged me and then another and now I am back head banging.

Now frankly there is no story that happened to me that I can tell you that might excite you. But I think I give myself very less credit. Hardly anyone has anything to tell. People just exist because everybody else does. I at least always have something bad happening to me.

Day before yesterday my 8:30am prof mailed everyone in the course that it was compulsory to attend the last class else no end semester for you. So I set the alarm for 8, went to sleep at 6:30, mysteriously woke up at 9:05, ran in my slippers and a pencil to cse building reaching just 50 mins late. Well my prof asked who I was I said I was in the course and the rest as they say is history. The silver lining being that I am still technically eligible to write the end semester.

Now the above story might be a horrible cliche, but I had almost forgotten a professor's berating in class mainly because its been a long time since I seen classrooms. I am more than used to professors yelling at me in their offices, but the classroom experience was simply, rejuvenating.

Then there was the btp report thingy. Well, ... lets not go into so deep a shit.

The phrase 'fucked up' was invented to describe me. Because of the infinite assignments, almost every day last week I have been sleeping less than six hours. But no complains here. In fact, I find myself enjoying this a lot. Staying awake can be fun too. Now that all the project demos are over, I have a take home exam to submit next week followed by the usual end semester followed by placements.

Speaking of placements I did not make into MorgStan :( I got shortlisted for Deusteche Bank interview though, but I think they are interested in good looking people, but it is still worth a try. After DB only nomura is left after which I would have no choice but to work in a computer company.

I ordered a tailored suit for myself this weekend. Its supposed to be in plain black. I like plain things, they are easier to comprehend. I wore a tie on a formal dress for a DB presentation, it was awesome, reminded me of my school days. Frankly I am highly fed up of wearing pajamas and t-shirts, though its not like I have much of an option, it is the easiest attire to sleep in.

Almost everyday someone advices me that I should go for a phd. Now the word should is one of those words that people use to make themselves feel superior. Here's the facts succinctly: 1) I hate computer science 2) I hate computer science 3) I am more interested in annihilating the professors here than asking recommendations.

I am currently watching californication. Usually when watching serial, the background music always brings you in the required mood. I always miss it while reading novels. Of course if a novel is good it does not require sounds to mold the reader, words are enough. But I write horribly. I always feel that there should be a background music going on while someone is reading my posts. Music is life.

Delhi

Finally I am done with all the unnecessary examinations required for trying to get into a university. These examinations most likely gave me the hardest time of my life. Not that I studied and got worried, but I had stopped playing games because of them and I ended up watching house all over again. The only reason I gave these ludicrous exams is as they say, to keep open all the options, which is a ridiculous statement in itself.

Delhi is one city that I think I can survive if I get stuck in india, but it lacks night life big time making it less than an ideal city. And quite contrary to my prejudice it is a decently cheap city. But then I only got an afternoon to spend during most of which I was walking with my carry bag and I bought some nice pirated novels from Connaught C. The train by which I reached Delhi was a whopping seven hours late, a personal best, so I decided to rather return by bus which was not a very comfortable journey, but adventure ranks higher than comfort anytime.

Dota is back, and with greater dedication. So all is beautiful and sunny here, well not sunny, the cold's approaching and I hate that icy bastard. The sun is a man's best friend. Never liked low temperatures. But the greener side is that we are having hot water in showers now :D Bathing in hot water is more fun than playing dota or solving sums. Recently a wasp bit me on my finger and then when you pour hot water on the swollen pinky you feel better than masturbating, though I think real sex must be better, need to try it sometime.

And we had an entrance exam for Morgan Stanley and, not exaggerating, it was the best exam I have given here in iitk. It was not difficult, in fact may be two years back I would have solved it in an hour, but difficulty's not the only issue. They had a problem on limits!! I wish I qualify the exam, will prepare for the interview wholeheartedly. They have their interviews in November, that way if I get the job I wont have to apply to the stupid univs :D For those who think economics and mba is a disrespectful option as compared to research, well I think exactly the contrary, but then it's just nomenclature, there is honor even among thieves.

Antaragni is going on right now. Meaning that I can guiltlessly play dota and watch series for three whole days. There are a lots of girls in the campus recently, beautiful ones, but then most of them have an iq less than 80 and none of them plays dota, aoe or does maths or watch house, so I got nothing to strike up a conversation on, but of course beautiful girls are not meant to be talked with, they have other uses. There are some big events which most of the people here would attend after standing in long rows, I haven't made any plans for myself yet though I am planning on finishing up either bleach or supernatural.

I saw this movie Public Enemies recently and man it was awesome. The way old time gangster movies used to be where the goon was a good fellow in the heart, more of a robinhood theme. More than the story and all that, I like to wonder at america's history. The movie is based on time of 30's and even then america was better than today's india. I like to marvel at how a democracy can function so efficiently. Its like evolution, only on a much smaller time scale. And the high-def version of up has been released, so those who haven't seen it yet, now's the time, haven't seen it myself yet. Here's song from public enemies soundtrack,

.

Ahem

Well well well, what have we got here, a fourth year computer science student whining about his tough decisions and the mediocrity of life. Or rather such would have been a very sound assumption. But such imaginations need to be forfeited for I am all sunshine and upbeat right now.

There's a multitude of things that contribute to this general cheeriness.

I am right now in a just finished reading a wodehouse phase and hoping to get hold of another one before the complete waning takes place. And this phase has superimposed itself with a three day holiday phase resulting a very pleasing constructive interference.

The part of the brain which processes trifling matters about my future and about studies and other old people's affairs has got all its neurons entangled and is laying dysfunctional and the rest of the brain muscles are working hard to make sure that it stays so.

Of course a certain amount of feminine presence would have heightened the current bliss but on the greener side I am serving the last year of my sentence and all set to be rehabilitated.

The closest relatives of luxury here are the milkshakes and ice creams offered in our canteen and I have taken up the strenuous task of exploring these vast terrains very seriously.

I am also almost on the brink of making one of my brilliant jokes right now but the receiving end needs to be prepped up a bit to prevent any kinds of vengeful acts, so it will have to wait for the next time.

Learning computer science

To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless.

- Gustave Flaubert

At fourteen years of age I had to learn history, geography and sanskrit in my tenth standard to get computers in my junior college.

In my junior college I had to learn chemistry and physics to get computer engineering in my senior college.

Now in my senior college I am memorising webster's dictionary so that I can do research in computer science.

If extrapolation were to be done, the next biggest challenges before becoming a computer scientist would be ballet dancing, surrealist painting and outerspace exploration to name a few. There's a long road ahead and I doubt if I possess a large enough appetite for stupidity and banality to take me all the way through but then, who cares. I still get to read my novels and watch my cartoons, so no complaints.

Neomodernism

Three Action Kamen Underwears for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Action Kamen Underwear to rule them all, One Action Kamen Underwear to find them,
One Action Kamen Underwear to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

Three Milki Bar Choos for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Milki Bar Choo to rule them all, One Milki Bar Choo to find them,
One Milki Bar Choo to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

Three Kung Fu Pandas for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Kung Fu Panda to rule them all, One Kung Fu Panda to find them,
One Kung Fu Panda to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

Three
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badis for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badi to rule them all, One
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badi to find them,
One
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badi to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

I even thought of rewriting the whole lotr but it took more than a minute and I lost interest.

A dry post

This is a clear conspiracy against me. I am reading the news about monsoon reaching the whole of India, except kanpur.

I am suspecting this year they shifted kanpur to the north of himalayas. It seems to be the only reasonable explanation. Varun said it was raining in hongkong. They must have swapped kanpur with hongkong, how else can they have rain in a chinese city.

Right now this place is more dry than mouse's lecture on William the Conqueror. After being listed as the most polluted city in the guinness book of records kanpur is now heading for driest city that has been swapped with another chinese city. People of kanpur as simply insatiable.

And in such dire circumstances the intrepid me has started memorising the seemingly interminable list of words and their meanings. Though it might seem unintelligible to a layman as to how a person can be judged from his ability to figure antonyms and fill in the blanks, but the ways of the wise are difficult to fathom. A recent study conducted by ets has shown that there is a correlation of 0.9 between the most successful people in this world and those who are extremely efficient at finding antonyms and fill in the blanks.^{[citation needed]}

Now, if I were you, you would be wondering how can someone survive in such vile conditions. Well it is mostly small things that give you hope. Like recently I discovered that firefox address bar is called awesome bar and that there is a sequel to alice in wonderland.

As bilbo used to say, the road goes on and on, so better take a bicycle along with you and it is monsoon so a raincoat is also advisable, unless you reside in kanpur.

Nothing, that's right, not a single thing

Oh god I am bored. People are bunking colleges and destroying universities in Iran and I am missing out all the fun. Last I heard it had something to with polls but that's just an excuse for demolishing educational concentration camps.

Life is really tough when you have attention span of a six year old but have nothing to do. Especially if you are not six years old. I have heard that in extreme cases people wind up writing articles about wombats.

Sometimes when I am asleep I think I can hear my atrophied brain matter moving. I have finished up all the experiments on the pleasures of sleeping. I even managed to dream of sleeping in my dreams. Though I haven't yet achieved the ultimate goal of sleeping twenty four hours straight. I think mostly because of the fear that once it is reached my life would not have any meaning left.

Hell I haven't even done anything lazy lately. There is nothing lazy to do here. At least in the semester I could cheer myself up thinking about all the classes I bunked and all the time saved, but now, now no classes to bunk and no time to save. I have never done more nothing in my life before.

And then there's the monsoon. Or rather no monsoon. Whoever named it monsoon must have been a real knucklehead. Recently I have noticed that people are really bad at naming things. Whoever our monsoon minister is this year is in real trouble. Hope they throw him and get a better one. You know, I think we had better monsoons with nda. Yeah, that's it, I am not voting for upa next time.

Ok, that's half hour spent. Now what to do...

sigh...

After much deep and serious thinking I had finally come to the conclusion that night owl was not so prestigious a nick name after all. I mean owl, come on, we can do better, people who like the sun aren't called european swallows or albatrosses are they?

So, I decided to check wikipedia for a list of kickass awe inspiring nocturnal animals. After much scrolling up and scrolling down and scrolling up and scrolling down and scr...(repeat it five times more in your mind to get the desired effect) I finally came across the ideal ultimate cool name aptly suited for an awesome boy like me. WOMBAT!!! He's a wombat. Oooh that sounds fun. And it rhymes with batman too!!! Well not exactly in the orthodox fashion... but that's not the point. Imagine my despair when I found that some peabrain genius decided to waste the name on THIS!?!!

First thing I am doing when I grow up is to sue the wombats for extreme mental distress.

Funniest two liner ever

Courtesy Calvin & Hobbes:

Calvin is flying in his fighter jet plane, an awesome green coloured F-4 phantom with yellow patches on it with sharp pointy black nose and with screaming fire coming out of its ass. Suddenly a voice cackles in Calvin's radio,

radio: "Enemy fighters at 2 o'clock"
Calvin: "Roger. What should I do until then?"

omg this one's even better:

Calvin: Look it says you need to be eighteen to buy cigarettes.
Calvin: (frantically)EIGHTEEN?!? By then I'll know better!

Blogosphere under attack by badass deadly virus

The blog that survived...

This blog has been sent to a rehabilitation centre after the horrible blood curdling incident it had witnessed. Panic is all over the place.

The eat-all-the-serious-stuff-on-the-blog-and-go-boink virus is here. The virus eats all the serious stuff on the blog and goes boink. It is widely believed to be a resistant strain of the oh-my-god-how-can-someone-write-this-shit-die-die-die virus. As yet there is no vaccine or cure for
eat-all-the-serious-stuff-on-the-blog-and-go-boink. The only way to prevent your blog from annihilation is by putting on stuff that the virus cannot metabolise. If your imagination is a big mush and cannot processes out hyper intelligent articles we suggest pasting clips from monty python and the holy grail. Under no circumstances paste any clip from a walk to remember, else a fate even worse than total perspective vortex will befall. This is for your own safety.

A mysterious message was received by our antennas yesterday. It goes like this,

Wowbagger says hello.(pause) Even britney spears is smarter than you.(pause) If you have received this message kindly send back your name at the same frequency.(pause) This is to prevent repetitions.(end message)

To screw a lightbulb

I was playing with this software called fortune, and up poped this joke about screwing a light bulb, and i decided to make a collection.

Nice ones only.


Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.


Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to really want to change.


Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Fish.


Q. How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. He'll only promise change.


Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Only one. Men will screw anything.


Q. How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three, but they're really one.


Q. How many cops does it take to screw n a light bulb?
A. None. It turned itself in.


Q: How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them.


Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None (why?).

...