Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Nothing, that's right, not a single thing

Oh god I am bored. People are bunking colleges and destroying universities in Iran and I am missing out all the fun. Last I heard it had something to with polls but that's just an excuse for demolishing educational concentration camps.

Life is really tough when you have attention span of a six year old but have nothing to do. Especially if you are not six years old. I have heard that in extreme cases people wind up writing articles about wombats.

Sometimes when I am asleep I think I can hear my atrophied brain matter moving. I have finished up all the experiments on the pleasures of sleeping. I even managed to dream of sleeping in my dreams. Though I haven't yet achieved the ultimate goal of sleeping twenty four hours straight. I think mostly because of the fear that once it is reached my life would not have any meaning left.

Hell I haven't even done anything lazy lately. There is nothing lazy to do here. At least in the semester I could cheer myself up thinking about all the classes I bunked and all the time saved, but now, now no classes to bunk and no time to save. I have never done more nothing in my life before.

And then there's the monsoon. Or rather no monsoon. Whoever named it monsoon must have been a real knucklehead. Recently I have noticed that people are really bad at naming things. Whoever our monsoon minister is this year is in real trouble. Hope they throw him and get a better one. You know, I think we had better monsoons with nda. Yeah, that's it, I am not voting for upa next time.

Ok, that's half hour spent. Now what to do...

Sunday, June 21, 2009


After much deep and serious thinking I had finally come to the conclusion that night owl was not so prestigious a nick name after all. I mean owl, come on, we can do better, people who like the sun aren't called european swallows or albatrosses are they?

So, I decided to check wikipedia for a list of kickass awe inspiring nocturnal animals. After much scrolling up and scrolling down and scrolling up and scrolling down and scr...(repeat it five times more in your mind to get the desired effect) I finally came across the ideal ultimate cool name aptly suited for an awesome boy like me. WOMBAT!!! He's a wombat. Oooh that sounds fun. And it rhymes with batman too!!! Well not exactly in the orthodox fashion... but that's not the point. Imagine my despair when I found that some peabrain genius decided to waste the name on THIS!?!!

First thing I am doing when I grow up is to sue the wombats for extreme mental distress.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Funniest two liner ever

Courtesy Calvin & Hobbes:

Calvin is flying in his fighter jet plane, an awesome green coloured F-4 phantom with yellow patches on it with sharp pointy black nose and with screaming fire coming out of its ass. Suddenly a voice cackles in Calvin's radio,

radio: "Enemy fighters at 2 o'clock"
Calvin: "Roger. What should I do until then?"

omg this one's even better:

Calvin: Look it says you need to be eighteen to buy cigarettes.
Calvin: (frantically)EIGHTEEN?!? By then I'll know better!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Blogosphere under attack by badass deadly virus

The blog that survived...

This blog has been sent to a rehabilitation centre after the horrible blood curdling incident it had witnessed. Panic is all over the place.

The eat-all-the-serious-stuff-on-the-blog-and-go-boink virus is here. The virus eats all the serious stuff on the blog and goes boink. It is widely believed to be a resistant strain of the oh-my-god-how-can-someone-write-this-shit-die-die-die virus. As yet there is no vaccine or cure for
eat-all-the-serious-stuff-on-the-blog-and-go-boink. The only way to prevent your blog from annihilation is by putting on stuff that the virus cannot metabolise. If your imagination is a big mush and cannot processes out hyper intelligent articles we suggest pasting clips from monty python and the holy grail. Under no circumstances paste any clip from a walk to remember, else a fate even worse than total perspective vortex will befall. This is for your own safety.

A mysterious message was received by our antennas yesterday. It goes like this,

Wowbagger says hello.(pause) Even britney spears is smarter than you.(pause) If you have received this message kindly send back your name at the same frequency.(pause) This is to prevent repetitions.(end message)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

To screw a lightbulb

I was playing with this software called fortune, and up poped this joke about screwing a light bulb, and i decided to make a collection.

Nice ones only.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to really want to change.

Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Fish.

Q. How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. He'll only promise change.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Only one. Men will screw anything.

Q. How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three, but they're really one.

Q. How many cops does it take to screw n a light bulb?
A. None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None (why?).