Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Major
1 week ago
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Chennai
The biggest civilization of mosquitoes on earth. Literally it means "paradise on earth" in mosquitan. The firstborn mosquitoes are long gone, no one remembers how they looked or how they came to chennai. Some say they came from across the sea, some say they came from the seeds of gods, some even claim to have found mosquito fossils in the fallen stars. Their origins might be a mystery but today they are the gods of the city.
Owing largely to favorable living conditions, chennai mosquitoes have perfected their way of hunting, setting an example for mosquitoes all over the world. They wait until nightfall when the land is hot and the air is humid and animals everywhere are sweltering madly, dizzy in the suffocating weather; then they calmly dig their holy suckers in the comatose creature. Come morning the mosquitoes become too heavy to fly and you can see crimson hordes walking calmly back for their beauty sleeps made possible by the highly evolved vertebral column (some newborns are even said to possess opposable thumbs).
But today the nights aren't as hot as they used to be. The prophets claim the end of world in 2012. Today the minority of lower creatures called humans are getting organised under the banner of their commander supreme jayalalitha, said to be created from crossbreeding human and hippo, with skin so thick no mosquito can penetrate. Their tamil gods have given them powerful mass destructive weapons; free televisions, free microwaves, insane idlies, lots of temples, southie remakes featuring ajay devgan, lots of temples and tcs. Today each and every mosquito must fight for his honour to save the paradise. The fate of chennai lies on the wings of the common mosquito.
Owing largely to favorable living conditions, chennai mosquitoes have perfected their way of hunting, setting an example for mosquitoes all over the world. They wait until nightfall when the land is hot and the air is humid and animals everywhere are sweltering madly, dizzy in the suffocating weather; then they calmly dig their holy suckers in the comatose creature. Come morning the mosquitoes become too heavy to fly and you can see crimson hordes walking calmly back for their beauty sleeps made possible by the highly evolved vertebral column (some newborns are even said to possess opposable thumbs).
But today the nights aren't as hot as they used to be. The prophets claim the end of world in 2012. Today the minority of lower creatures called humans are getting organised under the banner of their commander supreme jayalalitha, said to be created from crossbreeding human and hippo, with skin so thick no mosquito can penetrate. Their tamil gods have given them powerful mass destructive weapons; free televisions, free microwaves, insane idlies, lots of temples, southie remakes featuring ajay devgan, lots of temples and tcs. Today each and every mosquito must fight for his honour to save the paradise. The fate of chennai lies on the wings of the common mosquito.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Rain again
Tough times I say. A guy can't even take a peek. Have seen a lot of those punks lose their heads. Sometimes the whole, most of the times just a big chunk. Jhwoop it goes and then the slippery part starts moving and dangles out and then another Jhwoop. It's easiest to simply throw the whole potato out, saves hell of a time, and space too if you get my drift.
And those goddamn asteroids. Got a nasty one on me once. Was there on me the whole month, whole month I say, before I could get the head replaced. T'was one of those pretty ones. One month all I could see was kaleidoscopes and triangles and colors when I tilted my head to the star. Goddamn personal rainbow I had there.
T'was a bright day that one. Think I saw a tumbleweed roll down the end of the road, you know, like in those old movies. Dust sticking to sweat, eyes unblinking, silence on the street, people staring from their windows, horses afraid and then bang bang. Every once in a while you could hear someone explode, some people just can't handle the heat. The janitors would then have to release the wisps to clean up the mess, made the whole place even more stinkier. And slippery too, people would all be tumbling over each other among the wisps. The best way to move was to hop like a packet and hope not to land over somebody's brains, or your own for that matter.
You could smell the madness in the air. Must have been the white dandelions. You had to breath cautiously lest you catch the madness or the madness catches you. Then there was the risk of bumping into dusk, and he would talk and talk and talk and won't let you go off easily, not even for supper. The blue time was especially to be wary of. The atmo would get thinner then, you had to crawl on your belly to get air. It was then that I had caught the asteroid by my head. All the I's would start pouring down and you had to eat them real fast to prevent them from becoming You. Ah, but I was telling you about the bright day.
I had hopped across the milky way and reached the piano. Had gotten tired of all the hopping so went on a bit of a run to shoo the tiredness away but there wasn't much to run into. As I ran I saw it happen. It happened in a mirror and in a moment so I cannot be too sure. There were lots of toads and the smaller toads were standing on the bigger toads and the bigger toads were standing on the smaller ones, as high as the right eye could see. And they all went on croaking around and around and dancing over each other. Then the king frog came and he ate up all the toads and started croaking and dancing and then he ate himself and then nobody was croaking and dancing.
Sometimes things seem to not make any sense at all.
And those goddamn asteroids. Got a nasty one on me once. Was there on me the whole month, whole month I say, before I could get the head replaced. T'was one of those pretty ones. One month all I could see was kaleidoscopes and triangles and colors when I tilted my head to the star. Goddamn personal rainbow I had there.
T'was a bright day that one. Think I saw a tumbleweed roll down the end of the road, you know, like in those old movies. Dust sticking to sweat, eyes unblinking, silence on the street, people staring from their windows, horses afraid and then bang bang. Every once in a while you could hear someone explode, some people just can't handle the heat. The janitors would then have to release the wisps to clean up the mess, made the whole place even more stinkier. And slippery too, people would all be tumbling over each other among the wisps. The best way to move was to hop like a packet and hope not to land over somebody's brains, or your own for that matter.
You could smell the madness in the air. Must have been the white dandelions. You had to breath cautiously lest you catch the madness or the madness catches you. Then there was the risk of bumping into dusk, and he would talk and talk and talk and won't let you go off easily, not even for supper. The blue time was especially to be wary of. The atmo would get thinner then, you had to crawl on your belly to get air. It was then that I had caught the asteroid by my head. All the I's would start pouring down and you had to eat them real fast to prevent them from becoming You. Ah, but I was telling you about the bright day.
I had hopped across the milky way and reached the piano. Had gotten tired of all the hopping so went on a bit of a run to shoo the tiredness away but there wasn't much to run into. As I ran I saw it happen. It happened in a mirror and in a moment so I cannot be too sure. There were lots of toads and the smaller toads were standing on the bigger toads and the bigger toads were standing on the smaller ones, as high as the right eye could see. And they all went on croaking around and around and dancing over each other. Then the king frog came and he ate up all the toads and started croaking and dancing and then he ate himself and then nobody was croaking and dancing.
Sometimes things seem to not make any sense at all.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The blue monster
Rumble rumble rumble.
It's big and its blue. However hard you might wish it to be it is not the Tick, though such a thing would have been totally awesome. Neither is it a genetically engineered blue hulk which smells like an aftershave nor is it a blue orangutan which likes eating bright red strawberries and bingo mad angles (nor kurkure as a matter of fact). It doesn't appear to have come from the loch ness for it is not wet nor carries a wet towel. Krypton? No, doesn't fly. Pacific ocean. Too salty. Parachute. Too oily. Root of a quadratic equation. Too complex. Tick. You already said that. Oh sorry. Too literal.
What is it then?
You see it but you cannot see it wholly. A blur, but more than just a blur. Imagination trying to manifest into reality but there's still a mighty lot of work pending. Sometimes you are aware of its presence but sometimes you aren't. Does it mean that sometimes it is there and sometimes it isn't? Is it's existence a disconnected set in the (space?)time continuum? When it plays badminton does it serve a low serve or does it serve the queen of England for many years? Did it watch the India West Indies match? Did it poop on the moon or did the moon poop on it? Poop. Pop. Peep. What a mystery!
What should we do then? Plop.
I have asked the same question again and again but no use. But again speaks only Tamil and again but no use is a quotient space of the first. Pleep. May be the internet connection in my room is too weak or may be constructivism is a view in philosophy according to which all knowledge is constructed in as much as it is contingent on convention, human perception, and social experience. Who knows? Plush.
If there's something strange, in ya naybo'hood, who you gonna call?
Tandurusti ki raksha karta hai life boy, life boy.
Tan ki shakti man ki shakti bournvita.
Monday, December 27, 2010
2011
Totally innocent guy no. 1 standing on the road:
It's a bird
Totally innocent guy no. 2 standing on the road:
It's a plane
Real smart guy who knows everything about superheroes and who happens to be standing on the road beside the above two:
It's a blog post, man.
Time for some year end bullshittery.
Abstract:
Number of human casualties = 0.
Content:
Q. You know what I eagerly look forward to in the next year?
Ans. The year's first episode of naruto which is going to be about the seven swordsman of the hidden mist.
Q. Is it sad?
Ans. Yes. But who gives a small, brown, fuzzy, not at all cute, nibbling rodent's ass.
Before I open my completely exclusive, totally secret, immensely awesome humor newsletter (yes, it is a paid service) to find out what nothing to write in this post it might be a good idea to take a minute and look back at the glorious year that went past.
60
59
...
2
1
Moving on.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Samay ki ret
There is that always nagging guy yelling incoherently at you, again, when you see the empty theatre. And there is that other isomorphic guy, who always gets you into embarrassing situations, nonetheless is always more convincing of the two, who calmly says, "Who watches english movies nowadays?" You beam proudly at the great wisdom your uber smart brain was able to conceive without a hint of contemplation and sit majestically in the best available seat. Rajneeti, "Katrina yay," raavan, "Art film :?" red bull - flying curvaceous girl in red and a bull, "Very intelligent, this ad has totally convinced me to buy red bull, way to go ad-makers." Half asleep. Relishing the mesmerizing ac in the decently comfortable i-move-with-your-ass chair dreaming of katrina and the curvaceous girl in red. Your friend pokes you for the national anthem, "Finally. Take that Holiday, you can’t get me now. I am seeing a movie with my friends. VICTORY!!" Still gloating you read the title on the dull yellow screen, "Hahahaa, Prince of Persia(Hin … -_-' H,i,n,d,i, nahiiiii, maa ki aankh, booking kisne karai thi yaar."
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The night it all began
The city was cold tonight. It always is nowadays. Cold made the road wet, made everything wet. Moon shone bleakly through the dense smog. Dilapidated buildings loomed ominously over empty streets. Lamps lit silently along the roadside illuminating the roughly edged pavement with its lines and its hexagons, beautiful symmetries lying unappreciated in this ignorant neighborhood. The cold prevented any wasps. Every yard or so a tile had been broken from the pavement, wounds from an angry past, requiring a person to be careful while walking.
My tired breath formed smoke in front of my mouth as if I were a trained smoker. I never smoke, too proud for that. Tilted hat and raised collars tried to hide my face from both the obstinate cold and the onlookers, if any; this wasn’t a friendly neighborhood after all, not now. The ochre overcoat hung limply over my sagging shoulders. Gloved fingers unconsciously wrapped tightly over my work briefcase, it was my only prized possession. The gumboots led my feet through the puddled pavement; the dark pathway wasn’t much visible, not even beneath my feet, except beneath the yellow lamps, so I let them have their way.
Tiny beads of perspiration formed at the roots of my hair even in this cold. The hat stuck tightly. Every night from work to home my heart would beat faster lessening my lifespan. Once inside my four walls I had to take pills for my blood pressure. Every night I feared would be the last night. I would change paths, no path was traversed too frequently, sneak into unlikely boulevards, even run into a nearby basement when fear took the better of me. I thought the fear would subdue eventually, that I would get used to it but the fear of death never weakens.
The neighborhood was not always like this. The city was not always like this. It was a small town, brimming with integrity. For some reason it stayed underdeveloped the way it was while the rest of the country flourished. There was neither oil to be found nor croplands to be tilled. Some inertia prevented it from growing but people were happy in this low lying island of a town. But it made the people hollow. Men cannot live without pride, without winning, without sin. Unblemished happiness does not last long. Men started imitating their neighbors, tall buildings were raised but never completed, inefficient industries polluting the river stole the scenery, laws were compromised and when needed broken, rich people without consciences who would earlier be not even allowed to step in the town were now worshiped. The city lost its soul. People became happy, then irrational, then scared. Started living together in small well-knit colonies. Whole neighborhoods were left to slums and gangs. I saw it all happening.
Why did I live alone then? Why did I not choose the life of compromise, the life of safety that everybody else chose? Why did I choose to live in my childhood home? May be it was childish stubbornness. May be I could not live like them. May I could not let them hurt my childhood memories while I was still alive. May be I cherished them more than my life. My hair was growing grey prematurely, but I would stay here till my heart would allow. Every night I reached home I rejoiced, it was a night I won and they lost. I lived for winning. Life was meaningless without resistance. It gave me reason, it gave me purpose. Or may be I was plain crazy.
I was one turn from my home. I had almost won tonight, just when tires screeched, someone had turned the steering to its full potential. A small car, what it was I could not tell in the darkness, materialized in front of me. Its headlights made my pupils contract to pinpoint and it still hurt. I could see the devil grinning. Today he would win. I heard gunshots, not one or two but many. The devil was celebrating with great cacophony. It hurt my ears but my arms would not budge, my legs became a part of the pavement, my heart pounded heavily against my chest wishing to beat for a more rational being, my soul had left me long ago. I stood still awaiting the end.
Just then something flickered. I heard fluttering of cloth nearby. Someone had been watching us. I felt angry and humiliated at being witnessed by someone in my weakest moment but then another round of gunshots and fear dethroned anger. But something wasn’t right, why wasn’t I shot yet? They hadn’t seen me in the darkness; the gunshots were not for me but for my spectator. Or was I the spectator now? And in the headlights I saw him for a moment before he melted into the darkness again. He had flown, yes flown like a bird in front of the car. He was tall, eight feet, no ten feet tall. He was a giant. He could not be human. It was as if the night had had enough, had condensed itself to take revenge. The bullets could not touch him he was too fast. Fear was afraid of him. And then the car toppled, huge hands not hands but machines pulled the doors apart. Even from the distance I saw the fear in their pale eyes, there were three of them, they had seen the devil. I smiled; the devil had not come for me but for them. He blocked my view again. I saw nothing but unending darkness. Even the night was pale in front of him. And then they all vanished leaving behind the debris of an overturned car. I was afraid he, no it would come for me next but nothing happened.
My legs regained sense and I ran for my place not looking back once. I took double my pills tonight. I had seen the grim, no I had lost my faith in god long ago, it was no grim, it was a human, he was a human, just like me. I was not alone, he was with me. He too could not give up. He too was crazy like me. Together we would fight, shoulder to shoulder. We would fight for the city, we would fight for the people, we would fight for ourselves and we would win each time. I knew that he knew that I was fighting, it made me happy, made me young again. I threw away the pills, I no more needed them, they did not suit a warrior, he would not like it. The fallen angel had arisen and this time he was human. Death itself was with me, I never felt fear again.
My tired breath formed smoke in front of my mouth as if I were a trained smoker. I never smoke, too proud for that. Tilted hat and raised collars tried to hide my face from both the obstinate cold and the onlookers, if any; this wasn’t a friendly neighborhood after all, not now. The ochre overcoat hung limply over my sagging shoulders. Gloved fingers unconsciously wrapped tightly over my work briefcase, it was my only prized possession. The gumboots led my feet through the puddled pavement; the dark pathway wasn’t much visible, not even beneath my feet, except beneath the yellow lamps, so I let them have their way.
Tiny beads of perspiration formed at the roots of my hair even in this cold. The hat stuck tightly. Every night from work to home my heart would beat faster lessening my lifespan. Once inside my four walls I had to take pills for my blood pressure. Every night I feared would be the last night. I would change paths, no path was traversed too frequently, sneak into unlikely boulevards, even run into a nearby basement when fear took the better of me. I thought the fear would subdue eventually, that I would get used to it but the fear of death never weakens.
The neighborhood was not always like this. The city was not always like this. It was a small town, brimming with integrity. For some reason it stayed underdeveloped the way it was while the rest of the country flourished. There was neither oil to be found nor croplands to be tilled. Some inertia prevented it from growing but people were happy in this low lying island of a town. But it made the people hollow. Men cannot live without pride, without winning, without sin. Unblemished happiness does not last long. Men started imitating their neighbors, tall buildings were raised but never completed, inefficient industries polluting the river stole the scenery, laws were compromised and when needed broken, rich people without consciences who would earlier be not even allowed to step in the town were now worshiped. The city lost its soul. People became happy, then irrational, then scared. Started living together in small well-knit colonies. Whole neighborhoods were left to slums and gangs. I saw it all happening.
Why did I live alone then? Why did I not choose the life of compromise, the life of safety that everybody else chose? Why did I choose to live in my childhood home? May be it was childish stubbornness. May be I could not live like them. May I could not let them hurt my childhood memories while I was still alive. May be I cherished them more than my life. My hair was growing grey prematurely, but I would stay here till my heart would allow. Every night I reached home I rejoiced, it was a night I won and they lost. I lived for winning. Life was meaningless without resistance. It gave me reason, it gave me purpose. Or may be I was plain crazy.
I was one turn from my home. I had almost won tonight, just when tires screeched, someone had turned the steering to its full potential. A small car, what it was I could not tell in the darkness, materialized in front of me. Its headlights made my pupils contract to pinpoint and it still hurt. I could see the devil grinning. Today he would win. I heard gunshots, not one or two but many. The devil was celebrating with great cacophony. It hurt my ears but my arms would not budge, my legs became a part of the pavement, my heart pounded heavily against my chest wishing to beat for a more rational being, my soul had left me long ago. I stood still awaiting the end.
Just then something flickered. I heard fluttering of cloth nearby. Someone had been watching us. I felt angry and humiliated at being witnessed by someone in my weakest moment but then another round of gunshots and fear dethroned anger. But something wasn’t right, why wasn’t I shot yet? They hadn’t seen me in the darkness; the gunshots were not for me but for my spectator. Or was I the spectator now? And in the headlights I saw him for a moment before he melted into the darkness again. He had flown, yes flown like a bird in front of the car. He was tall, eight feet, no ten feet tall. He was a giant. He could not be human. It was as if the night had had enough, had condensed itself to take revenge. The bullets could not touch him he was too fast. Fear was afraid of him. And then the car toppled, huge hands not hands but machines pulled the doors apart. Even from the distance I saw the fear in their pale eyes, there were three of them, they had seen the devil. I smiled; the devil had not come for me but for them. He blocked my view again. I saw nothing but unending darkness. Even the night was pale in front of him. And then they all vanished leaving behind the debris of an overturned car. I was afraid he, no it would come for me next but nothing happened.
My legs regained sense and I ran for my place not looking back once. I took double my pills tonight. I had seen the grim, no I had lost my faith in god long ago, it was no grim, it was a human, he was a human, just like me. I was not alone, he was with me. He too could not give up. He too was crazy like me. Together we would fight, shoulder to shoulder. We would fight for the city, we would fight for the people, we would fight for ourselves and we would win each time. I knew that he knew that I was fighting, it made me happy, made me young again. I threw away the pills, I no more needed them, they did not suit a warrior, he would not like it. The fallen angel had arisen and this time he was human. Death itself was with me, I never felt fear again.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning
There was once a time when I thought it would never end, I would live this life of righteous orthodox banal servitude till I become of them, till I forgot who I was and became what I was supposed to be. But now I can see the terminal, flimsy though it might be but it is there nonetheless. Goody bye cynicism. Optimism’s the new way of living. As they say, this is the beginning of a new end.
The tracks are old and rusty. The wagon creaks beneath me. As I rush past the old stations the poor graffiti on walls remind me who I was. Light floods now and then through the dirty tinted windows enlightening the faces of my silent fellow passengers. We all know the culmination is near. It has been a long journey. As I sit on the worn out seat looking out the window at the water droplets spilling out from leaking pipes and kissing the window now and then, enjoying their freedom, relishing their evanescent existence, I dream of all the places I had seen on this seemingly interminable journey. The cocoon is breaking, metamorphosis is near ...
The tracks are old and rusty. The wagon creaks beneath me. As I rush past the old stations the poor graffiti on walls remind me who I was. Light floods now and then through the dirty tinted windows enlightening the faces of my silent fellow passengers. We all know the culmination is near. It has been a long journey. As I sit on the worn out seat looking out the window at the water droplets spilling out from leaking pipes and kissing the window now and then, enjoying their freedom, relishing their evanescent existence, I dream of all the places I had seen on this seemingly interminable journey. The cocoon is breaking, metamorphosis is near ...
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Love thy neighbour, I mean really really love thy neighbour
This is the inferior vena cava speaking. The blood that flows through me goes all in vein. Life is so depressing. All I ever get are dull red blood midgets. And I have a very dumb name. Everybody is always making fun of me. No poems named after me. According to the time 2010 poll I am like the second least romantic organ in the body (first obviously being medulla oblongata, without doubt, unanimous decision, very uncool). And why the heck do I get to be inferior. Blatant apartheid!!
Nah just kidding, this is still the brain. I like making fun of other organs, part time hobby of mine. Sorry for the poor jokes though, can't help it. You should see what it's like up here. Tightly packed inside a nutcase, poor ventilation, bad lighting conditions. It's like living in kanpur but outside iitk. Imagine not getting your back scratched in a hot april afternoon. Sometimes I just ... hey I am speaking bro ... wtf ... hey ...
The subconscious's speaking. Hate that smooth talking rat. Gets on my nerves sometimes. Dude's got control of the whole organism most of the day and hasn't been able to copulate for over a full two decades. Tag and shag bro, how hard can it be? But no, just keeps on pushing more and more desires into me, like I am some kind of an external 1TB hard drive. They should let subconscious's control the masses. Much better place the world would be.
Oh and sea food. Haven't eaten good seafood from aeons. They used to make melt-as-soon-as-you-put-in-the-mouth fish tikka here. Whenever I see pictures of those prawns and oysters and shrimps makes me wanna eat the paper itself. No demarcations though. The mind part here is quite broad by itself. Lambs and pork chops and bacon and french food, especially the deserts and champagnes and vintage wines, italian cuisines ... getting a bit light-headed. When I get hold of that money, there's gonna be a big coup and I am gonna make sure there's no dish in the world I haven't tasted.
But food's not the emergency. There's a whole bunch of organs yet to gain full functionality. Two dimensional images are fun at first but eventually you need to add a new dimension to your perspective. No need of being choosy either. Sometimes when you see all the bouncing and squishing and pressing and tearing and sweating and moaning and shouting and tying up of things and maple syrups and vegetables and telephones and ginormous vagi...
All right, sorry for that, heh heh, think I am back, testing 1,2,3, yep, as I said, its all rickety up here, can happen to anybody, mind wanders sometimes ...umm ...urm ...umm guess I need to go and eat ... sheesh, that was close, need to make sure that doesn't happen again ... bye.
(Evil subconscious laughs a sinister laugh in the background, but is not heard because of a lack of mouth. His imaginary eyes glow green and dude's got an evil looking hairdo. What secrets does the future hold?)
Nah just kidding, this is still the brain. I like making fun of other organs, part time hobby of mine. Sorry for the poor jokes though, can't help it. You should see what it's like up here. Tightly packed inside a nutcase, poor ventilation, bad lighting conditions. It's like living in kanpur but outside iitk. Imagine not getting your back scratched in a hot april afternoon. Sometimes I just ... hey I am speaking bro ... wtf ... hey ...
The subconscious's speaking. Hate that smooth talking rat. Gets on my nerves sometimes. Dude's got control of the whole organism most of the day and hasn't been able to copulate for over a full two decades. Tag and shag bro, how hard can it be? But no, just keeps on pushing more and more desires into me, like I am some kind of an external 1TB hard drive. They should let subconscious's control the masses. Much better place the world would be.
Oh and sea food. Haven't eaten good seafood from aeons. They used to make melt-as-soon-as-you-put-in-the-mouth fish tikka here. Whenever I see pictures of those prawns and oysters and shrimps makes me wanna eat the paper itself. No demarcations though. The mind part here is quite broad by itself. Lambs and pork chops and bacon and french food, especially the deserts and champagnes and vintage wines, italian cuisines ... getting a bit light-headed. When I get hold of that money, there's gonna be a big coup and I am gonna make sure there's no dish in the world I haven't tasted.
But food's not the emergency. There's a whole bunch of organs yet to gain full functionality. Two dimensional images are fun at first but eventually you need to add a new dimension to your perspective. No need of being choosy either. Sometimes when you see all the bouncing and squishing and pressing and tearing and sweating and moaning and shouting and tying up of things and maple syrups and vegetables and telephones and ginormous vagi...
All right, sorry for that, heh heh, think I am back, testing 1,2,3, yep, as I said, its all rickety up here, can happen to anybody, mind wanders sometimes ...umm ...urm ...umm guess I need to go and eat ... sheesh, that was close, need to make sure that doesn't happen again ... bye.
(Evil subconscious laughs a sinister laugh in the background, but is not heard because of a lack of mouth. His imaginary eyes glow green and dude's got an evil looking hairdo. What secrets does the future hold?)
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Gentle now, A tender breeze Blows
Whispers through, A Gran Torino
Whistling another Tired song
Engines humm, Bitter dreams Grow
Heart locked, In a Gran Torino
Beats A lonely rhythm, All night long
Oh how much I wish I could take a car and ride on a long long road, looking at the milestones passing by. And keep going till the nightfall, while the world moves behind me. And when the sun goes beyond, I would park my vehicle outside the road and stare at the stars in a clear crystal sky, see them moving as I stand still.
Stillness. That's how the campus is now. Not a breeze is moving. Outside my third floor balcony a young mango tree stands guarding a football field, holding its breath, waiting for something. Every now and then a leaf or two shivers from the adamant cold.
No classes today. You can walk through the lecture hall complex without seeing a soul. All humans were eliminated miraculously and you are the sole survivor, looking at the empty corridors, sleeping in dew sprinkled lawns, watching the still working fountains. No frogs leap beside you, no flies trouble you. There aren't any left. Just you and the red buildings.
If I could fly I would fly to top of the tallest building or go above the clouds where no planes fly, where howling winds blow. There you can see the sun and the stars together. You can see the clouds forming and dying, like all living beings do. I would stare at the blue rock in the breathtaking universe. I would go farther above, beyond the satellites, beyond the earth's siblings, beyond the galaxies, into the emptiness.
I stand still as time flows against me.
Whistling another Tired song
Engines humm, Bitter dreams Grow
Heart locked, In a Gran Torino
Beats A lonely rhythm, All night long
Oh how much I wish I could take a car and ride on a long long road, looking at the milestones passing by. And keep going till the nightfall, while the world moves behind me. And when the sun goes beyond, I would park my vehicle outside the road and stare at the stars in a clear crystal sky, see them moving as I stand still.
Stillness. That's how the campus is now. Not a breeze is moving. Outside my third floor balcony a young mango tree stands guarding a football field, holding its breath, waiting for something. Every now and then a leaf or two shivers from the adamant cold.
No classes today. You can walk through the lecture hall complex without seeing a soul. All humans were eliminated miraculously and you are the sole survivor, looking at the empty corridors, sleeping in dew sprinkled lawns, watching the still working fountains. No frogs leap beside you, no flies trouble you. There aren't any left. Just you and the red buildings.
If I could fly I would fly to top of the tallest building or go above the clouds where no planes fly, where howling winds blow. There you can see the sun and the stars together. You can see the clouds forming and dying, like all living beings do. I would stare at the blue rock in the breathtaking universe. I would go farther above, beyond the satellites, beyond the earth's siblings, beyond the galaxies, into the emptiness.
I stand still as time flows against me.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Pappu pass ho gaya
Got my semester results today. Passed with relatively unenthusiastic colors, penguinish one might say, no where near flying. Now there can be no logical reason why results should ever be compared to colors and even if there had been one there would further be no perceptible explanation as to why these colors should be flying. Had I been consulted I would have suggested bright or sexy colors. Had there been a further constraint that the colors should appear to be doing something then wildly jumping or madly dancing would better express a good result or may be hobnobbing would be my second choice. Mainly because it is fun to say hobnobbing again and again. (Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing.) And we would be putting such a good word to some decent use. Gandhi used to say be the change you want to see in the world. I passed with not very hobnobbing colors. (Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing.)
Oh and another thing got sidetracked in our deep philosophical discussion of the proper adjective for colors. I passed :D Hurrah!! (Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing.)
Oh and another thing got sidetracked in our deep philosophical discussion of the proper adjective for colors. I passed :D Hurrah!! (Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing. Hobnobbing.)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
vhat's the zoke yaar?
Why is chess >> bridge?
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Because you can play chess on a bridge but you cannot play bridge on a chess.
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Because you can play chess on a bridge but you cannot play bridge on a chess.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Stream of Life
Courtsey: Divyanshu
The more I write the more I spoil the video.
To summarize, this video is for those still stuck at the age of six, who like the boulevards and the cobblestone paths and old and new buildings, who like the smell of the sea and the smell of the desert, who like watching umbrellas in the rain, who still smile at a flying plane, who dance badly, who like dancing badly, who want to see the Whooole World one day, ...
And thanks Matt.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Winter's here
The sun never came out today. It drizzled and it was cold, the nice kind of cold, the way they have on hill stations.
It is a very sleepy weather tonight and I am right now with a thick blanket on my shoulders. Everyone went to bed early so I had to go to canteen alone :( Just collected a kurkure packet and headed back, sitting alone waiting for food in the canteen is very boring.
I was actually in a sober mood when I started writing this post, but then a non sleeping friend pinged me and then another and now I am back head banging.
Now frankly there is no story that happened to me that I can tell you that might excite you. But I think I give myself very less credit. Hardly anyone has anything to tell. People just exist because everybody else does. I at least always have something bad happening to me.
Day before yesterday my 8:30am prof mailed everyone in the course that it was compulsory to attend the last class else no end semester for you. So I set the alarm for 8, went to sleep at 6:30, mysteriously woke up at 9:05, ran in my slippers and a pencil to cse building reaching just 50 mins late. Well my prof asked who I was I said I was in the course and the rest as they say is history. The silver lining being that I am still technically eligible to write the end semester.
Now the above story might be a horrible cliche, but I had almost forgotten a professor's berating in class mainly because its been a long time since I seen classrooms. I am more than used to professors yelling at me in their offices, but the classroom experience was simply, rejuvenating.
Then there was the btp report thingy. Well, ... lets not go into so deep a shit.
The phrase 'fucked up' was invented to describe me. Because of the infinite assignments, almost every day last week I have been sleeping less than six hours. But no complains here. In fact, I find myself enjoying this a lot. Staying awake can be fun too. Now that all the project demos are over, I have a take home exam to submit next week followed by the usual end semester followed by placements.
Speaking of placements I did not make into MorgStan :( I got shortlisted for Deusteche Bank interview though, but I think they are interested in good looking people, but it is still worth a try. After DB only nomura is left after which I would have no choice but to work in a computer company.
I ordered a tailored suit for myself this weekend. Its supposed to be in plain black. I like plain things, they are easier to comprehend. I wore a tie on a formal dress for a DB presentation, it was awesome, reminded me of my school days. Frankly I am highly fed up of wearing pajamas and t-shirts, though its not like I have much of an option, it is the easiest attire to sleep in.
Almost everyday someone advices me that I should go for a phd. Now the word should is one of those words that people use to make themselves feel superior. Here's the facts succinctly: 1) I hate computer science 2) I hate computer science 3) I am more interested in annihilating the professors here than asking recommendations.
I am currently watching californication. Usually when watching serial, the background music always brings you in the required mood. I always miss it while reading novels. Of course if a novel is good it does not require sounds to mold the reader, words are enough. But I write horribly. I always feel that there should be a background music going on while someone is reading my posts. Music is life.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Delhi
Finally I am done with all the unnecessary examinations required for trying to get into a university. These examinations most likely gave me the hardest time of my life. Not that I studied and got worried, but I had stopped playing games because of them and I ended up watching house all over again. The only reason I gave these ludicrous exams is as they say, to keep open all the options, which is a ridiculous statement in itself.
Delhi is one city that I think I can survive if I get stuck in india, but it lacks night life big time making it less than an ideal city. And quite contrary to my prejudice it is a decently cheap city. But then I only got an afternoon to spend during most of which I was walking with my carry bag and I bought some nice pirated novels from Connaught C. The train by which I reached Delhi was a whopping seven hours late, a personal best, so I decided to rather return by bus which was not a very comfortable journey, but adventure ranks higher than comfort anytime.
Dota is back, and with greater dedication. So all is beautiful and sunny here, well not sunny, the cold's approaching and I hate that icy bastard. The sun is a man's best friend. Never liked low temperatures. But the greener side is that we are having hot water in showers now :D Bathing in hot water is more fun than playing dota or solving sums. Recently a wasp bit me on my finger and then when you pour hot water on the swollen pinky you feel better than masturbating, though I think real sex must be better, need to try it sometime.
And we had an entrance exam for Morgan Stanley and, not exaggerating, it was the best exam I have given here in iitk. It was not difficult, in fact may be two years back I would have solved it in an hour, but difficulty's not the only issue. They had a problem on limits!! I wish I qualify the exam, will prepare for the interview wholeheartedly. They have their interviews in November, that way if I get the job I wont have to apply to the stupid univs :D For those who think economics and mba is a disrespectful option as compared to research, well I think exactly the contrary, but then it's just nomenclature, there is honor even among thieves.
Antaragni is going on right now. Meaning that I can guiltlessly play dota and watch series for three whole days. There are a lots of girls in the campus recently, beautiful ones, but then most of them have an iq less than 80 and none of them plays dota, aoe or does maths or watch house, so I got nothing to strike up a conversation on, but of course beautiful girls are not meant to be talked with, they have other uses. There are some big events which most of the people here would attend after standing in long rows, I haven't made any plans for myself yet though I am planning on finishing up either bleach or supernatural.
I saw this movie Public Enemies recently and man it was awesome. The way old time gangster movies used to be where the goon was a good fellow in the heart, more of a robinhood theme. More than the story and all that, I like to wonder at america's history. The movie is based on time of 30's and even then america was better than today's india. I like to marvel at how a democracy can function so efficiently. Its like evolution, only on a much smaller time scale. And the high-def version of up has been released, so those who haven't seen it yet, now's the time, haven't seen it myself yet. Here's song from public enemies soundtrack,
.
Delhi is one city that I think I can survive if I get stuck in india, but it lacks night life big time making it less than an ideal city. And quite contrary to my prejudice it is a decently cheap city. But then I only got an afternoon to spend during most of which I was walking with my carry bag and I bought some nice pirated novels from Connaught C. The train by which I reached Delhi was a whopping seven hours late, a personal best, so I decided to rather return by bus which was not a very comfortable journey, but adventure ranks higher than comfort anytime.
Dota is back, and with greater dedication. So all is beautiful and sunny here, well not sunny, the cold's approaching and I hate that icy bastard. The sun is a man's best friend. Never liked low temperatures. But the greener side is that we are having hot water in showers now :D Bathing in hot water is more fun than playing dota or solving sums. Recently a wasp bit me on my finger and then when you pour hot water on the swollen pinky you feel better than masturbating, though I think real sex must be better, need to try it sometime.
And we had an entrance exam for Morgan Stanley and, not exaggerating, it was the best exam I have given here in iitk. It was not difficult, in fact may be two years back I would have solved it in an hour, but difficulty's not the only issue. They had a problem on limits!! I wish I qualify the exam, will prepare for the interview wholeheartedly. They have their interviews in November, that way if I get the job I wont have to apply to the stupid univs :D For those who think economics and mba is a disrespectful option as compared to research, well I think exactly the contrary, but then it's just nomenclature, there is honor even among thieves.
Antaragni is going on right now. Meaning that I can guiltlessly play dota and watch series for three whole days. There are a lots of girls in the campus recently, beautiful ones, but then most of them have an iq less than 80 and none of them plays dota, aoe or does maths or watch house, so I got nothing to strike up a conversation on, but of course beautiful girls are not meant to be talked with, they have other uses. There are some big events which most of the people here would attend after standing in long rows, I haven't made any plans for myself yet though I am planning on finishing up either bleach or supernatural.
I saw this movie Public Enemies recently and man it was awesome. The way old time gangster movies used to be where the goon was a good fellow in the heart, more of a robinhood theme. More than the story and all that, I like to wonder at america's history. The movie is based on time of 30's and even then america was better than today's india. I like to marvel at how a democracy can function so efficiently. Its like evolution, only on a much smaller time scale. And the high-def version of up has been released, so those who haven't seen it yet, now's the time, haven't seen it myself yet. Here's song from public enemies soundtrack,
.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Ahem
Well well well, what have we got here, a fourth year computer science student whining about his tough decisions and the mediocrity of life. Or rather such would have been a very sound assumption. But such imaginations need to be forfeited for I am all sunshine and upbeat right now.
There's a multitude of things that contribute to this general cheeriness.
I am right now in a just finished reading a wodehouse phase and hoping to get hold of another one before the complete waning takes place. And this phase has superimposed itself with a three day holiday phase resulting a very pleasing constructive interference.
The part of the brain which processes trifling matters about my future and about studies and other old people's affairs has got all its neurons entangled and is laying dysfunctional and the rest of the brain muscles are working hard to make sure that it stays so.
Of course a certain amount of feminine presence would have heightened the current bliss but on the greener side I am serving the last year of my sentence and all set to be rehabilitated.
The closest relatives of luxury here are the milkshakes and ice creams offered in our canteen and I have taken up the strenuous task of exploring these vast terrains very seriously.
I am also almost on the brink of making one of my brilliant jokes right now but the receiving end needs to be prepped up a bit to prevent any kinds of vengeful acts, so it will have to wait for the next time.
There's a multitude of things that contribute to this general cheeriness.
I am right now in a just finished reading a wodehouse phase and hoping to get hold of another one before the complete waning takes place. And this phase has superimposed itself with a three day holiday phase resulting a very pleasing constructive interference.
The part of the brain which processes trifling matters about my future and about studies and other old people's affairs has got all its neurons entangled and is laying dysfunctional and the rest of the brain muscles are working hard to make sure that it stays so.
Of course a certain amount of feminine presence would have heightened the current bliss but on the greener side I am serving the last year of my sentence and all set to be rehabilitated.
The closest relatives of luxury here are the milkshakes and ice creams offered in our canteen and I have taken up the strenuous task of exploring these vast terrains very seriously.
I am also almost on the brink of making one of my brilliant jokes right now but the receiving end needs to be prepped up a bit to prevent any kinds of vengeful acts, so it will have to wait for the next time.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Learning computer science
To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless.
- Gustave Flaubert
At fourteen years of age I had to learn history, geography and sanskrit in my tenth standard to get computers in my junior college.
In my junior college I had to learn chemistry and physics to get computer engineering in my senior college.
Now in my senior college I am memorising webster's dictionary so that I can do research in computer science.
If extrapolation were to be done, the next biggest challenges before becoming a computer scientist would be ballet dancing, surrealist painting and outerspace exploration to name a few. There's a long road ahead and I doubt if I possess a large enough appetite for stupidity and banality to take me all the way through but then, who cares. I still get to read my novels and watch my cartoons, so no complaints.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Neomodernism
Three Action Kamen Underwears for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Action Kamen Underwear to rule them all, One Action Kamen Underwear to find them,
One Action Kamen Underwear to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
Three Milki Bar Choos for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Milki Bar Choo to rule them all, One Milki Bar Choo to find them,
One Milki Bar Choo to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
Three Kung Fu Pandas for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Kung Fu Panda to rule them all, One Kung Fu Panda to find them,
One Kung Fu Panda to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
Three
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badis for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badi to rule them all, One
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badi to find them,
One
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badi to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
I even thought of rewriting the whole lotr but it took more than a minute and I lost interest.
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Action Kamen Underwear to rule them all, One Action Kamen Underwear to find them,
One Action Kamen Underwear to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
Three Milki Bar Choos for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Milki Bar Choo to rule them all, One Milki Bar Choo to find them,
One Milki Bar Choo to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
Three Kung Fu Pandas for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Kung Fu Panda to rule them all, One Kung Fu Panda to find them,
One Kung Fu Panda to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
Three
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badis for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badi to rule them all, One
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badi to find them,
One
Shamsher Sikandar Chuddie Badi to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
I even thought of rewriting the whole lotr but it took more than a minute and I lost interest.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A dry post
This is a clear conspiracy against me. I am reading the news about monsoon reaching the whole of India, except kanpur.
I am suspecting this year they shifted kanpur to the north of himalayas. It seems to be the only reasonable explanation. Varun said it was raining in hongkong. They must have swapped kanpur with hongkong, how else can they have rain in a chinese city.
Right now this place is more dry than mouse's lecture on William the Conqueror. After being listed as the most polluted city in the guinness book of records kanpur is now heading for driest city that has been swapped with another chinese city. People of kanpur as simply insatiable.
And in such dire circumstances the intrepid me has started memorising the seemingly interminable list of words and their meanings. Though it might seem unintelligible to a layman as to how a person can be judged from his ability to figure antonyms and fill in the blanks, but the ways of the wise are difficult to fathom. A recent study conducted by ets has shown that there is a correlation of 0.9 between the most successful people in this world and those who are extremely efficient at finding antonyms and fill in the blanks.[citation needed]
Now, if I were you, you would be wondering how can someone survive in such vile conditions. Well it is mostly small things that give you hope. Like recently I discovered that firefox address bar is called awesome bar and that there is a sequel to alice in wonderland.
As bilbo used to say, the road goes on and on, so better take a bicycle along with you and it is monsoon so a raincoat is also advisable, unless you reside in kanpur.
I am suspecting this year they shifted kanpur to the north of himalayas. It seems to be the only reasonable explanation. Varun said it was raining in hongkong. They must have swapped kanpur with hongkong, how else can they have rain in a chinese city.
Right now this place is more dry than mouse's lecture on William the Conqueror. After being listed as the most polluted city in the guinness book of records kanpur is now heading for driest city that has been swapped with another chinese city. People of kanpur as simply insatiable.
And in such dire circumstances the intrepid me has started memorising the seemingly interminable list of words and their meanings. Though it might seem unintelligible to a layman as to how a person can be judged from his ability to figure antonyms and fill in the blanks, but the ways of the wise are difficult to fathom. A recent study conducted by ets has shown that there is a correlation of 0.9 between the most successful people in this world and those who are extremely efficient at finding antonyms and fill in the blanks.[citation needed]
Now, if I were you, you would be wondering how can someone survive in such vile conditions. Well it is mostly small things that give you hope. Like recently I discovered that firefox address bar is called awesome bar and that there is a sequel to alice in wonderland.
As bilbo used to say, the road goes on and on, so better take a bicycle along with you and it is monsoon so a raincoat is also advisable, unless you reside in kanpur.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Nothing, that's right, not a single thing
Oh god I am bored. People are bunking colleges and destroying universities in Iran and I am missing out all the fun. Last I heard it had something to with polls but that's just an excuse for demolishing educational concentration camps.
Life is really tough when you have attention span of a six year old but have nothing to do. Especially if you are not six years old. I have heard that in extreme cases people wind up writing articles about wombats.
Sometimes when I am asleep I think I can hear my atrophied brain matter moving. I have finished up all the experiments on the pleasures of sleeping. I even managed to dream of sleeping in my dreams. Though I haven't yet achieved the ultimate goal of sleeping twenty four hours straight. I think mostly because of the fear that once it is reached my life would not have any meaning left.
Hell I haven't even done anything lazy lately. There is nothing lazy to do here. At least in the semester I could cheer myself up thinking about all the classes I bunked and all the time saved, but now, now no classes to bunk and no time to save. I have never done more nothing in my life before.
And then there's the monsoon. Or rather no monsoon. Whoever named it monsoon must have been a real knucklehead. Recently I have noticed that people are really bad at naming things. Whoever our monsoon minister is this year is in real trouble. Hope they throw him and get a better one. You know, I think we had better monsoons with nda. Yeah, that's it, I am not voting for upa next time.
Ok, that's half hour spent. Now what to do...
Life is really tough when you have attention span of a six year old but have nothing to do. Especially if you are not six years old. I have heard that in extreme cases people wind up writing articles about wombats.
Sometimes when I am asleep I think I can hear my atrophied brain matter moving. I have finished up all the experiments on the pleasures of sleeping. I even managed to dream of sleeping in my dreams. Though I haven't yet achieved the ultimate goal of sleeping twenty four hours straight. I think mostly because of the fear that once it is reached my life would not have any meaning left.
Hell I haven't even done anything lazy lately. There is nothing lazy to do here. At least in the semester I could cheer myself up thinking about all the classes I bunked and all the time saved, but now, now no classes to bunk and no time to save. I have never done more nothing in my life before.
And then there's the monsoon. Or rather no monsoon. Whoever named it monsoon must have been a real knucklehead. Recently I have noticed that people are really bad at naming things. Whoever our monsoon minister is this year is in real trouble. Hope they throw him and get a better one. You know, I think we had better monsoons with nda. Yeah, that's it, I am not voting for upa next time.
Ok, that's half hour spent. Now what to do...
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